Passport, Polygamy & Public Health

A three-part reflection on love, culture, and autonomy from the field

Written by Joni Roberts

Traveler, storyteller, and public health advocate

Part 2 — The Types of Relationships

As a sexual health educator, I’m well-versed in all kinds of relationship models — monogamy, open partnerships, polygamy, polyamory — you name it. These aren’t just abstract ideas to me; they’re lived realities that shape how people love, live, and navigate their identities.

Growing up in Jamaica, polygamy was talked about but not embraced. What was embraced — almost expected — was cheating, or as we say, giving bun. Every man I knew had multiple women, whether they knew about each other or not. It was normalized, even romanticized.

So it’s no surprise that when I’m in African countries and mention that I don’t want children, I’m often asked if I’d be okay with my husband taking a second wife so he can have them.

“Sure,” I say playfully, “as long as I’m wife number one and get to help choose wife number two.”

That usually earns a laugh — until I add, “Can I also have a second husband?”

The shock that follows is almost theatrical.

“Why would you need a second husband?” they ask.

“What am I supposed to do when you’re away with wife number two?” I responded.

Cue silence.

My Malawian grandmother was not amused. “It’s not a woman’s place to compete with men,” she said sternly.

“So I’m just supposed to sit quietly while my husband is with another woman?”

“Yes,” she said without hesitation. “This is how men are.”

“No,” I said gently, “not all men. And I can’t sign up for that.”

“Then you will be single,” she replied.

Another Uno reverse.

It made me think deeply about how culture shapes our understanding of love and partnership. In Jamaica, I’d watched women stay with unfaithful partners because leaving meant financial hardship and social judgment. Maybe that’s where my desire to be childless began — in realizing that independence creates options.

And yet, these gendered expectations exist everywhere. Even in the U.S., women who choose not to marry or have children are often labeled difficult or unfulfilled. Look at Oprah Winfrey or Tracee Ellis Ross — powerful, content, child-free women who are still asked, “Why not?”

Different cultures, same script.

As someone living at the intersection of travel, health, and culture, I’ve learned that relationships aren’t just emotional — they’re social, political, and deeply tied to public health. The stories we tell about love and gender shape how people see themselves and the lives they believe they deserve.

Because at the intersection of love and culture, what we really seek isn’t permission — it’s peace, freedom, and respect.