Oysters – When Your Dinner Order Becomes a Debate

Written by Joni Roberts

Traveler, storyteller, and public health advocate

Every so often I crave oysters. So whenever I’m on an island—or anywhere with good seafood—I go hunting for an oyster bar.

On this trip, I struck gold: a place right on the beach. After navigating the maze that is Google Maps, I finally arrived.

I scanned the menu, but really, I wasn’t interested in anything other than oysters. So I asked the host: “Where are the oysters?”

He pointed to the empty tank and said: “It’s not oyster season currently.”

Bummed, I considered ordering something else. But before I could decide, he added with a wink: “Oysters are for men, not for you. They’re an aphrodisiac for men.”

Excuse me?

I told him I was aware of the stereotype—and that I still wanted oysters if he had them. But this wasn’t the first time I’d had a man tell me oysters were “for women” for the same reason. Apparently, oysters are gender-fluid depending on who wants to police my dinner.

A few things come to mind:

• Oysters are widely believed to be an aphrodisiac, but there’s no real proof. (And I’d know—as a sexual health researcher.)

• Even if they were, why would they only “work” on men?

• Or is this really about women not being “allowed” to want—or enjoy—sex?

  
  

The audacity to tell me what I can and cannot eat based on my gender is, frankly, bold.

I’ve heard versions of this in different places. Sometimes oysters are coded masculine (men need them for stamina), sometimes feminine (women need them for desire).

Either way, the message is clear: my appetite—whether for food or anything else—is apparently up for public debate.

So, no oysters that day. But I left with something almost as satisfying: another classic example of how even what you order at a restaurant can reveal cultural scripts around gender, sex, and power.

And yes, next time I crave oysters, I’ll be ordering them anyway.

End of notes. Back to people-watching—and ordering what I want. Don’t miss a note—subscribe to get new stories from the road each week.